50 mg Clomid...

It worked! I ovulated 3 days ago! YAY! We know the "magic dose" for the Clomid now, and I never had any side effects from it, so DOUBLE YAY!

Now we just have to wait another 10 days before I am going to let myself POAS. ;)

It's been a crazy, busy, hectic, stressful week at work. I'm so glad it's over. I'm only working a few hours tomorrow to finish up a tournament we held, and then I'm heading up to my uncle's for the weekend. I can't wait!

Quick Update #2

Work's been crazy. I'm working really long days and I'm coming home totally exhausted. I can't wait for this week to be over.

I don't know if I'm responding to the Clomid or not. We've been BDing a lot to make sure we cover the bases, but who knows. I really hope I ovulate, but I'm not holding my breath.

I love the show Parenthood. :)

A minor setback.

So, I had to cancel my U/S. Money just didn't work out for me to have it done tomorrow. If only I would get paid this week instead of next week, it would be fine. I trust that this is all part of God's plan and it will work out just fine. :) I don't need monitoring anyway. If it works, I'll O and I'll know it. If it doesn't, then if I don't O and get George within a reasonable time I'll use Provera and we'll start a new cycle. Seems like a good (cheap!) plan to me.

I didn't get to weigh in on Sunday to see how my diet and exercise plan has been going. I had a horrible weekend as far as dieting goes. Today hasn't been that great, either, but I'm still doing well calorie-wise. Don't know what we're doing for dinner, although I suspect I may get a call soon about eating out with my husband's family. Hopefully if we do that, we'll eat at their house or go somewhere where I can eat healthy.

I am so tired today. I slept really poorly last night. I was up every 2 hours, I think, just tossing and turning. I just couldn't get comfortable! Hopefully tonight will be better.

Happy birthday to my stepdad and my kitty Leah (who is 2 today)! Leah is sleeping on my lap right now, and I'm going to give her a first-class transport upstairs to sleep on the bed beside me (or on my knees like she usually does). ;)

Clomid, Day 4

The Clomid has been treating me well so far. I've been taking it at night so I can avoid most of the side effects. I've taken three days of it so far, and it's not been bad. I haven't had any hot flashes, no dizziness, no mood swings...I hope that doesn't mean that I'm not responding to it! DH and I are so hopeful for this cycle. I told my ovaries last night that I would just be thrilled if they grew at least one or two good follies. :-P

We went to the wedding of two of our closest friends last night. It was just so beautiful. The bride was absolutely stunning, and their little girl was the cutest flower girl ever! I am so happy for them. :)

About the job interview: I got the job! They hired me that day. I get to start in about two weeks. I'm really excited, although a bit nervous. Once I get started, I think I'm really going to enjoy it.

CLOMID!

I AM SO HAPPY!

My doctor's appointment was fantastic! My doctor knew so much about PCOS. I really felt like I was in the hands of someone who truly understood my condition and could really help me. He gave me a prescription for Clomid to start TONIGHT! :D I go back on the 10th for an ultrasound to see how the follies (if any) are growing. I almost cried when he told me he was going to start me on Clomid. I was so glad to finally get a plan set and actually follow through on it! I am so glad I listened to DH and switched doctors. :)

Another good note: I have a job interview tomorrow for a part-time job as a dental assistant. I'm really hoping it works out. We could really use the money, since right now we're paying for the medical stuff out-of-pocket. We'll see how it goes, though!

I'm just feeling great today. :)

George, I did not miss you.

Man, I'm feeling crappy today. George arrived very shortly after I posted that he was MIA on Saturday. For all of Saturday and all of yesterday, it was light and I wasn't cramping too badly. However, I woke up this morning feeling super terrible. My uterus is rebelling against me, and my lower back is aching and I'm hoping I will make it through work without ruining any clothes. :( I can't wait to go home for the day and get my pj's on and lay on the couch and do absolutely nothing.

Yesterday was really good! Sunday school was great, although DH and I are stepping down as teachers since we don't feel like God is telling us that He needs us there any longer. We're thinking about joining the choir, as crazy as that is (neither one of us can sing very well). Lunch with DH's family was super tasty, and his mom made my favorite dessert of all time and it was just perfect. Took a nap after church with my kitties, then last night we did a prayer walk for our community and for our upcoming revival. An hour and a half of constant walking in the heat and the sun shining right in our faces later, we made it back to the church and had some tasty BBQ. I didn't eat much 'cause I was feeling pretty dehydrated and drank a ton of water, but I ate enough to feel full and actually didn't snack at all the rest of the evening! Yay for me!

Last night was also nice. I went upstairs to see what my husband was doing, and he had his headphones on and was listening to our song. :) So, when I came in he unplugged the headphones and restarted the song, and we danced. It was so nice to have that little moment of romance. We've been getting so caught up in life lately that we haven't been taking the time to do things like that. We spent the better part of last night just spending time with each other. It was nice. :) We're going to start setting aside 30 minutes a night where we just spend time with each other: no tv, no cell phones, no computers. Just us (and maybe the kitties).

I typed up part of the letter that I will be sending to Letters 2 My Uterus (http://www.wix.com/Letters2MyUterus/L2MU). I'm writing it to our future child. I have so many more I want to write, but I decided to start there. I encourage all of you ladies (and their SO's/DHs) who are struggling with infertility to think about writing it down in a letter and sending it in. For me, it's been theraputic to write what I'm feeling down on paper (or in MS Word).

BFN

I think the title explains it all. ;)

Still no sign of George, other than some mild cramping. Gonna just take it easy the rest of the day. DH and I both slept 11 hours, which is crazy. I never go to bed early, but I was out like a light at 11pm last night! Yesterday really wore me out.

DH and I took a walk in the park today. It was so nice out, not too hot. We did a mile then headed home since he had to go to work. Now it's just me and my kitties hanging out. I'm trying to decide what to eat for lunch. I'm thinking maybe a hot dog with cheese sauce. Mmm...

Another long day...13 dpo!

Quick update 'cause it's been a long day, I'm exhausted, and I'm gonna go to bed:

Still no George. Tiny bit of tan/light pink spotting this morning but it's been gone since around ten. Temp went back up today. Gonna test in the morning.

Cookout tonight with international and US college students went great. Had a ridiculous amount of fun. :)

Disaster relief training at church tomorrow from 9-2:30. Another long day. It'll be worth it, though.

Go away, George!

My temp plummeted today, all the way down to 97.6 from 98.2. I'm also feeling really crampy and yucky, so I'm about 99.5% sure George will be arriving this afternoon or definitely by sometime tomorrow. It sucks, but at least I will be moving on to a fresh cycle, which I haven't gotten to do since April!

I do, however, have some great news: I switched doctors yesterday!!! I'm so super excited. I finally decided to do the right thing and drop my doctor. He hasn't called me back in over two weeks, and quite frankly, his attitude toward my situation and the lack of common courtesy to return my messages left a bitter taste in my mouth and I just got to the point where I was sick of being given the runaround. So, I will be heading out to his office tomorrow to sign a release so that they'll fax my records over to my new doctor. I'm really pleased with the service I've received so far with my new doctor's office and after spending 10 minutes on their website, I am confident I will receive excellent care. They fit me in for an appointment on September 1, which is just six days away and that makes me so happy! :-D I'm so relieved to not have to wait another 2-3 months to try to see a doctor to get anything done. When you've spent a year and some odd months trying to get pregnant, having to wait to see your doctor every 3 months seems ridiculously stupid.

My boss actually recommended this practice months ago, and I was stupid and didn't listen. She saw the head ob-gyn at this practice for both of her pregnancies, and she just couldn't praise him more. I won't be seeing him, but I'll be seeing another ob-gyn whose credentials look great and he's also a Christian, which makes me really happy! They also have 3 midwives at this practice, which is also great because I really wanted the option to see a midwife when I get pregnant.

I guess I'm just going to try to will George away for the next 3 1/2 hours! Stay away, George, stay away!

10 dpo!

Well, I'm four days away from testing!

Symptom spotting for today: nipples are still sore, but not like they were around 6-7 dpo. Feeling sleepy a lot, but not super tired. Had some weird tightness in my abs today, like they were all tensed up.

At 7 dpo, I had some crazy cramping near my right ovary. Of course, I Googled like a mad woman to see if it could be anything pregnancy related. Lots of people said it happened to them around implantation, and lots of people said they had it and weren't pregnant. So, who knows?

I nap every day, and still go to bed at my normal time (which is like, midnight). I always hear people say pregnancy fatigue is just overwhelming, and mine's not anything like that. I've noticed that I'm getting winded much more easily and simple tasks like walking downstairs to get the mail at work is just exhausting me. My workouts are also wearing me out pretty badly, and I've been doing the same one for about 3-4 weeks now, and it's a really simple one, so I don't know what that's all about.

Work is getting more hectic, but I'm actually getting things to do now so I don't mind! Lots of fielding phone calls and stuffing envelopes, but I love it. :)

7 dpo (creative title, I know!)

Well, I'm officially now 7 dpo. I noticed this evening that my boobs feel heavy and stingy when I'm not wearing a bra. That's definitely a new development, one that I hope won't last long! I still have sore gums and the super sensitive nipples. Don't have a clue if any of it is out of the ordinary for me after ovulation or not, but we'll find out in a week!

My goal is to not test until 14 dpo (next Saturday). I want to wait that long because then I can test in the morning and DH will be here. That way, if it's a BFP, we can celebrate together. :)

I've already come up with some good ideas on how we'll tell people. I won't say anything here yet, just in case one of them finds this blog...:-P

I OVULATED!!!

WOOHOOOO!!! I OVULATED ON MY OWN! :) :) :)

My temps, cm, and super duper sore nipples have confirmed it! I can't believe that on day 129 of a (so far) 133 day cycle, I actually ovulated! My poor ovaries tried so hard for four months to do it, and once we got into that fifth month, they managed it! Now, I don't know if it was a strong ovulation or a good quality egg, but I don't care 'cause I ovulated!! :-D

I'm officially 4 days in to my first official 2WW. I've been trying not to "symptom spot" because at 4 dpo, I wouldn't have any symptoms to begin with. Of course, I'll be looking for an implantation dip sometime between 6-10 dpo ;), and once I hit 6 dpo I'll start endlessly searching the 2WW websites to see if I have any of the symptoms they list, but I think that after the crap I've gone through to even get to this point, I can allow myself a few days to pretend that we could've caught the eggie. We actually BDed on the day of ovulation, so we have a good chance.

If we didn't catch the egg, I am gonna have one heck of a bad George. Not looking forward to that at all!

Did I...?

So, for the first time in months, I really, truly think I ovulated! My poor nipples have been so sensitive, and that's only ever happened after I ovulated. My temps have shot up, too, in correlation with the day I think I ovulated (DH's birthday!) and the day my nips started making me feel uncomfortable. I really hope I'm right! My cm also matches up; I had a stretch of days where I had watery cm/EWCM, and now it's all back to infertile cm. How awesome would it be to know we conceived a baby on DH's birthday! :)

Just about five minutes ago, I heard a cat crying on our back porch. We have a lot of strays that roam around, so I thought it was one of the ones I'm familiar with. I opened the back door and peeked out. I saw a kitty's head poking out from under the fence (it has a 5 inch gap between the bottom and the ground), and I couldn't tell who it was so I whistled for them to come over. Imagine my surprise when all of a sudden, one of my cats came around the corner! We have four cats that are strictly inside cats, and one of them decided he wanted to play around outside when I went out to take some trash out. I'm so very lucky he realized that he was lost and cried for me to come get him. He's done this once before, and we were lucky to find him that time. He's now under extreme lockdown and will never go outside again. I'm going to lock him in the bathroom when I have to go out!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DH!

Today's my DH's birthday. I'm so happy that God orchestrated his birth 28 years ago today so that I could be his wife 28 years later! :) We haven't gotten to spend much time together today, since I slept until 1pm today (didn't get to bed 'til 4...long day yesterday!) and he had to work at 3. The little bit of time we had together though was awesome.

I spent the day yesterday sweating my butt off! After work, my good friend and I traveled to Cincinnati for the Skillet/Creed concert. Her car has no AC, so we made the 3+ hour trip in 100-degree heat. Needless to say, our clothes were completely sweat-soaked by the time we got there. We had lunch with a friend from college, which was a nice break (and his place had AC!) and it was so nice to get to see him after all this time! The concert was really fun, though. I loved Skillet! Creed was okay, but I wish Skillet had headlined. I would've loved to see and hear them more!

Since yesterday was such a travel-heavy day, I didn't get to eat healthy. I had two spicy chicken go wraps from Wendy's for lunch and buffalo chicken nuggets from Popeyes for dinner, followed up by a caramel frappe from McDonalds for dessert. The buffalo chicken nuggets did not sit well, and I was lucky enough to make it to a bathroom at the concert before I utterly embarrassed myself. My stomach was still killing me this morning when I woke up, but I haven't had any real problems the rest of today with it. Hopefully that's all over!

I didn't get to exercise yesterday, which sucks. I haven't missed a workout in months, but I'm going to make it up tonight. It won't be as heavy a workout as I have been doing lately since I don't want to do anything to overheat myself and risk getting sick again. I'm going to focus on my arms tonight instead of doing a billion lunges and ab crunches and push ups. DH got me a resistance band so I will be able to use that tonight! I'm still trying to find a body band. Haven't been able to shop anywhere to look, but I'm hoping sometime this week I can get to the mall to see if Dick's has any.

Money issues are sucking lately. My insurance hasn't covered any of my doctor visits and lab tests in the past 3 months, so it's all going to have to come out of my pocket. I haven't gotten my first paycheck from work yet, and probably won't until the end of August, and I've already got about $1200 in medical bills. I'm only going to be getting maybe $550 per paycheck, and I've got other bills that need to be taken care of. It'll take a few pay cycles to get everything straightened out, but I have faith that God will provide the means for us to cover the important things. :)

Not a good day.

*sigh* Today was awfully frustrating. I called my doctor only to find out that 1) he doesn't work on Wednesdays and 2) he wants to put me on BCPs for a couple of months to get rid of my cysts (my PCOS cysts...the itty bitty ones that are basically always there and don't really affect anything). At my last appointment, I thought I made it clear that BCPs weren't an option considering I've been trying for well over a year to get pregnant and BCPs don't exactly help in that aspect. So, I told the nurse today that I would not get back on BCPs. She said she'd talk with him in the morning and see what he says. I'm really hoping he'll do what we'd decided at my last appointment and start me on Clomid. If not, I will ask him for a referral to an RE. I'm quite tired of his hesitancy to put me on Clomid. I know the risks and the side effects, and my husband and I have decided that they are worth it. If I am all right with it, then he needs to be as well. I realize I'm the first person he's had to treat with this type of infertility, but my goodness, something has to be done. I refuse to take essentially a 2-3 month break from TTC when I've tried for so long already. I just hope things work out tomorrow and that I can really start making some progress on trying to ovulate.

Felipe!

Woo! I just finished a hefty workout. I added BL levels 2 and 3 together today and did them. Boy, were my arms worn out by the time I got to level 3! I toughed it out, though, and now I feel all accomplished. :) I've gotta stop doing these workouts at night, though. I always end up getting really hungry and my sleepiness goes away, which doesn't make for a very awake person when it's time to get up for work! I needed that workout after dinner tonight, though. I had a huge piece of cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory, so I had to burn that off (or at least attempt to).

Not that it's any big surprise, but I didn't ovulate before. FF still gives me crosshairs, but at 23 dpo with negative HPTs and no pregnancy "symptoms" (signs, maybe? Symptoms are associated with sicknesses or diseases, and pregnancy is neither!), it's just keeping them on there for no reason. I could override it, but I don't want to. I'll do it once I end this cycle, though.

No phone calls today from my doctor, but I'll give him until tomorrow afternoon. If I don't hear anything by 3pm, I'll call and see what's going on. My Provera has been just sitting upstairs in my bedroom, waiting patiently on me to take it!

I've had terrible acid reflux almost all day. It started around 10:30 or so, after I went to get the mail at work. The stairwell smelled absolutely terrible! The smell was making my throat constrict. It was almost like an aniline smell (I was unfortunate enough to smell aniline while in organic chemistry...I do not recommend it!). After that, I just had terrible acid burning in my throat and stomach all day. It made Felipe hurt (long story...in a nutshell, Felipe is a pain near my gallbladder that I've had for 2+ years and doctors have had no idea so far as to what it is), and that's been hurting all day. I've been uncomfortable in every position except laying flat on my back, and since I've been up and about all day, I haven't been comfortable at all! I'm going to be awfully sore in the morning from the constant ache today. It's also made me super bloated. I honestly look 4-5 months pregnant! I sometimes wonder if I could figure out what Felipe is and fix it, maybe that would remove a lot of my bloaty belly...

I think I'm going to start a Couch to 5K program next week. I know DH would be happy to have a running partner, although I'd go in the evenings with him instead of his morning runs. He would like that, too...he runs way more than I do, so I'd hold him back if he waited to workout solely with me.

Worn out

Today was such a long day. We had church this morning, and neither one of us got very good sleep last night thanks to some very rambunctious and needy cats. Then, we went to the in-laws' house and had lunch. After that, we made homemade pudding pies for church this evening. I snuck in a 10 minute nap, then headed to church and did some processing in the library before the service. It was a truly wonderful evening, with lots of prayer. I'm really looking forward to our revival in September!

FF is starting to think that maybe I didn't ovulate. It's always been a bit slower than me on that front. The solid crosshairs are now dashed, and probably will remain that way until I start a new cycle. I should be hearing back from my doc sometime in the next 2-3 days, and I'm hoping it's good news!

Ashamed

I feel like a total failure. Surprisingly, I don't feel like a failure in the TTC department, but in the "life" department. I recently graduated with my master's in chemistry, and in order to pursue my dream of becoming a mother, I continued working at my part-time job at the university instead of taking a really great job in Columbus, OH. My hours are great, the time off is wonderful, and the money is enough to help pay for insurance and other medical costs as well as allowing us to save a good chunk of it. My boss is a wonderful lady who didn't have PCOS but had spent two years TTC her first son. She told me that my hours were flexible and that once I got pregnant, I could come in whenever I needed to as long as I got my 20 hours a week in. I can take off whenever I need to for appointments and tests. It's really a sweet deal, but the real issue comes in with my old professors.

The head of the chem department stopped in my office today and said, "Didn't you graduate?" I felt so utterly embarrassed and ashamed for still being here instead of "making something of myself" and getting a PhD or working at a job in my field. I love the head of the chem dept, he was a great professor and I enjoyed learning from him, but I felt like I was disappointing him by not doing anything with the education he and the department gave me. I don't even want to go near the science building because I don't want to run into any more of my professors, which sucks 'cause I miss many of them. I've taken to just telling everyone that I haven't decided yet whether to get a job or a PhD, because I can't tell them I'm staying here because I'm trying to have a baby. I just hate that I'm so ashamed of myself, because I'm truly where I want to be. :(

My results explained (somewhat)!

The nurse called me back and made me feel much better about my results. When I mentioned to her that my copy of the results said that I had multiple cysts on my ovaries, she was initially quite confused because her copy (my file) said that I had multiple follicles, which is a good thing. She checked the task notes and saw that it did in fact say multiple cysts, but since I have PCOS my ovaries always have little tiny cysts on them. So, she said everything came back perfectly normal (PCOS cysts aside) and hopefully I should be able to start Clomid very soon! Unfortunately, my doctor isn't in the office all this week so I have to wait until next week to speak with him, but knowing that everything came back all right really makes me happy! :)

I'm still having really random, really really light spotting. I've had two times where it was a decent bit of pink/brown blood mixed with cm, and if it had continued at that amount I would've called it a light period, but that's pretty much disappeared. I had terrible crankiness yesterday that felt like PMS, but I guess we'll just have to see. I may have to break down and test again if this continues. My temps are still above the coverline (not that that means much), and with the absence of an actual period, I suppose I could be pregnant but honestly, I doubt it. I don't have any symptoms whatsoever that would lead me to think that other than the absent George, but then again, I also doubt if I even ovulated so who knows.

Tonight is Movie Night at DH's parents' house. We're watching 'Julie and Julia'. It's a movie I never really thought I'd watch, but I will for my MIL. Hopefully I'll enjoy it! ;)

Cysts, cysts, and more cysts!

Well, I got my ultrasound results back today. I've got multiple cysts on my ovaries. Whether they are the tiny PCOS cysts or big ol' cysts is TBD. My doctor's nurse is supposed to give me a call back sometime this afternoon so I can see if my doctor told her anything about further treatment. I'll bet he hasn't, though, so I won't get any new information and will be waiting in limbo until he decided to finally give me some options. I'm frustrated since I really thought I could get Clomid started soon, but I guess it's not time yet.

Had some more bleeding today, but still not enough to warrant the use of a pad or tampon. If it stayed at the level it's at now, but happened just a bit more frequently, I could see using a light tampon, but it's so sporadic I'm not even gonna bother. I wish it would just increase so I could start a new cycle. :(

Anytime now, George...

UGH. I don't think my period's ever gonna come! Sunday night, I had some pink spotting, so I thought, Yay I'm actually having a period! Then, I had brown spotting Monday morning and was excited still. Then....absolutely nothing the rest of the day. So, this morning when I woke up and had brown cm, I thought, Okay, it's coming now! But, I haven't had anything else the rest of today. So, to sum: I have no idea what my body is doing and it's annoying. My temps have leveled out to where I can typically expect to see 97.1 or 96.8. It's strange how it's been jumping between those two temps for the past week. I've never had such an even stretch of temps. I know it's not the thermometer, so maybe my body's finally regulating itself?

I started back to work yesterday, which is nice. I like having something to do, even if it's just piddling around on Facebook somewhere other than my couch. ;)

To move or not to move; that is the question.

Oh, today has been stressful. My mom's been in the process of trying to sell her house, and she's really been hitting me up today to move in to it so she doesn't have to give it up. Problem is, I don't want to move away from where we are now. We absolutely love our church family, and I really don't want to leave them. I would love to be in a huge house with a nice backyard and be close to my family, but I hate the location and wouldn't want to send my kids to school in that district. I just don't really want to move back to my hometown. There aren't any job prospects there. I know we could turn around and sell the house whenever we wanted to move, but I have so much where we live now that I don't want to give up. It stresses me out to think about. It's definitely something DH and I would have to discuss in detail and for a long time. Luckily, we can't move anywhere until May, so we have a lot of time to talk about it.

Temp went down today, but is still above the coverline. I'm not going to bother testing unless DH pushes for it. I know I'm not pregnant, so I don't see the point in wasting the tests (even though they're cheapie Dollar Tree tests). I'm really hoping my doctor will call early this week and we can get the Provera/Clomid treatment started. I'm so excited to finally get the ball rolling and get my ovaries working!

Distractions

I'm spending the weekend up at my mom's, getting a last visit in before I go back to work on Monday. It's really helping to distract me from the Am I/Am I not pregnant? dialogue that kept running through my brain at home. I haven't really been tempted to test at all...probably because I'm really doubting that my temps are indicative of a pregnancy. They're still above FF's coverline, but I'm not holding my breath for a BFP! I told DH I would test on Sunday and then I would just wait until my doc calls and gives me the go-ahead to use Provera so I can start Clomid (this, of course, assumes I don't have any cysts or anything that would keep me from starting the Clomid soon).

I did my BL workout last night, and really felt sore this morning. I was doing it in my mom's living room on the huge floor rug they have. It kept sliding under me when I would do lunges, and I know my form wasn't good while doing them, so I'm sure that's why I was stiff and achy this morning when I got up. I'll probably do it tomorrow in the basement where I won't slide so much. DH told me tonight when I mentioned my workouts that I really look good, and that it's very noticeable that I'm toning up. He said I looked hot in my bathing suit...he made me smile. :)

Too much water!

Had my ultrasound done this morning. My rant for the day? Having to have a full bladder when getting the ultrasound done! I didn't know when I went that I had to have a full bladder, so when I got there I ended up having to drink almost 32 oz. of water within 30-40 minutes. I had 2 cups, waited a bit, went in the room to get the ultrasound done, found out I hadn't had enough to drink, so they sent me back out and gave me two more cups. By the middle of the 4th cup, I honestly thought that if I moved even a millimeter that I would pee my pants! I stood there, legs tightly clenched, waddling to the ultrasound room (after I found the ultrasound tech and told her I didn't think I could hold out any longer). I thought I was gonna pee myself getting up on the table! Luckily she got all the scans she needed really quickly and let me go to the restroom before she did a vaginal ultrasound (wasn't expecting that!). I have never had to pee so badly before in my life! I went twice at the hospital within 2 minutes...it was like I condensed a whole day's worth of peeing in to 30 minutes. Sucky!

I tested this morning, got a BFN. I was really disappointed. I had really gotten my hopes up to get a positive today. I suppose I will test again on Sunday if George doesn't come, but that also assumes that I ovulated for real and that this is an actual 2ww. This is all so stressful!

10 dpo

Well, temp is still up. Not super high, but higher than the coverline. I've been having some EWCM, though, yesterday morning (well, afternoon, I guess...it was when I woke up) and this morning. I've spent hours Googling this, trying to see what it could mean. It really could be anything: late ovulation, pregnancy, George on its way. I just don't know what to think anymore! I guess it's just a wait-and-see thing. DH and I went to Dollar Tree and bought 5 tests. I already used one last night for fun, and of course it was a BFN.

I did my BL workout last night pretty late. It was after midnight when I got done. I just didn't have the motivation to do it yesterday. I was also kinda worried that if I was in fact pregnant, I would cause a miscarriage or something. Silly, I know. I did it, though, and got way more overheated than usual. I also was very aware of my lower abdomen while doing the workout. It's probably just all in my head.

I just wish I'd been charting back when I was actually ovulating. It would make things so much easier now. At least I'd know what to expect!

Symptom spotting...

I've spent all day trying to make myself stop thinking that I just maybe might have ovulated and that I just maybe could finally get a BFP soon. It's made for a very up-and-down day.

Weird "symptoms" I've noticed today:

• Frequent urination. Within a 3-hour timeframe, I'd already peed four times! And I'd had nothing to drink before that! I'm usually one of those people who can hold it for awhile, and maybe go 3-4 times a day. I've honestly lost count today how many times I've had to go!
• Weird abdominal tightness. It feels like I'm tightening my abs, but I'm not. It's that same feeling I get when I'm doing my ab crunches during my BL workout. It's so weird. My whole abdominal area felt hard, too.
• Pain near my right ovary, but more of a sharp twinging than cramping. It's hard to explain.
• A weird tugging behind my bellybutton when I twisted around earlier to see something behind me. It's like something was anchored to my bellybutton, and when I twisted my torso I was stretching the "anchor".
• Bloating. I put on a dress today that should've fit me decently, but it felt so tight around my middle. I've only worn the dress for maybe 30 seconds before, so I suppose this could just be a result of my poor memory, but it just seemed like I was so much more bloated than usual. I weighed myself today and was 2 lb. less than I was at my doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so it's not weight gain making me chubby!

I'd like to think that these are all legit pregnancy signs, but I'm very often wrong about these things. Given that my chart looks like utter crap, I'm not feeling very hopeful. I suppose we'll see, though!

Yay weddings!

Today we attended the wedding of some good friends of ours. I remember at this time last year telling DH that I didn't know what to RSVP for their wedding since we'd probably have a newborn at that point. Although I'm bummed that the baby thing hasn't happened yet, I was really happy to go to their wedding. I had a really, really great time! Got to see so many people that I hadn't seen in a long time. I got to dance with DH a bunch, which was so fun. :)

According to FF, I'm 7 dpo today. I still don't think I ovulated. I refuse to get my hopes up. My chart looks like crap, and I'm feeling just a little frustrated and annoyed, but it's just a day-by-day thing.

So many people lately have been asking me when we're going to have children. At least 3 people have asked in the past two days. I don't mind them asking, and I don't mind explaining the situation, but man...it seems like in the past month, we've been asked that question so many times! I guess we've hit that point in our marriage where it's "time" for children. Hopefully another year doesn't pass and people are still asking that same question!

Crazy day!

As far as my appointment went:

• Doc ordered an ultrasound (date TBD) before starting me on Clomid (yay!)
• Doc thinks DH ought to do a semen analysis, but I'm gonna hold off on that until we can get me ovulating regularly. If I ovulate regularly for a few months and still nothing happens, then we'll check DH out. But, right now, I'm the main issue. DH issues or no DH issues, we can't get pregnant if I don't ovulate!
• 3rd year med student who saw me today (before Doc came in) was one of my TAs in freshman chem lab. Kinda awkward since we recognized each other and I was in there to discuss my infertility! I think we both handled it very professionally, though.

Getting to the appointment sucked. I haven't gone anywhere in my car for a couple of weeks, so when I went to leave for the doctor's office, imagine my surprise when the car didn't start. The engine wouldn't even pretend to try to start. So, there I am, already barely running on schedule to get to my appointment, and the stupid car wouldn't start! DH called his sister for me, and she came to get me (which I was so grateful for!). I ended up being ten minutes late for my appointment, but luckily they weren't busy. I called them ahead of time to let them know I'd be late, so I think that gave me some brownie points. UGH...I need a new car so badly! I'm so tired of mine giving me crap like this. I start work again on August 2, so I really need a running vehicle!

It's been pouring the rain down here all day. The ceiling in our spare bedroom apparently has a hole in it, because water started leaking down onto our board game collection. Luckily, DH noticed it right away and got everything moved before it got damaged. We've got a bowl sitting up there to collect the water, and hopefully maintenance will come by soon to fix it. They supposedly fixed it when we moved in, but we know better now.

I'm wide awake right now because I was super tired around 6pm, so I took a nap that didn't end until 10pm. Same thing happened to me yesterday...got really tired in the early evening and took a nap (albeit a much shorter nap than tonight). Hopefully I will get tired soon so I can get some decent sleep before temping. I'm anxious to see what my temp does. I still don't think I ovulated, but I suppose I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong!

3 dpo?!

Today FF gave me crosshairs! The solid ones, not the dashed! I had a really good thermal shift, too, but...I just can't allow myself to think that I ovulated. I haven't ovulated since I started temping, and back when I was having regular periods (for all of about 3 months), I remember having really sore nipples afterwards. I haven't had anything at all other than the thermal shift to indicate that I O'ed. I just don't want to get my hopes up and think that I'm finally in the TWW when it's just my body being flukey. I have a doctor's appointment today at 3 to discuss what route we want to take as far as trying to get myself to ovulate. Maybe he'll order a P4 test so I can see if I really did ovulate or not.

DH and I spent the weekend in Myrtle Beach with his family. I had such a wonderful time! We did a lot of stuff in those 3 days, but it was worth it. We left home around 3am on Friday and drove straight there. I ended up not being able to temp that day because I went to bed around 12:30am, got up at 2:30am, and was awake until around 11am. Of course, that day is now questionable as to whether I ovulated the day before that day, or the day after. Oh well...I'm not going to focus on it too much!

BL workout yesterday sucked pretty bad after not having done it since last Wednesday. I'm sure I gained weight while at the beach, though, so I'm gonna have to work extra hard this week to get back on track. I may even break down and do the workout again today.

Happy anniversary!

Happy one year anniversary to us! I was very blessed to marry DH three years ago today (actually, by now, we were already married), and I'm so happy to be his wife! We are going to celebrate today by going to church. ;)

Gonna do my Biggest Loser workout in a few minutes. I was gonna eat lunch first, but if I eat right before I work out I get nauseous, so I'm gonna postpone lunch for about another 45 minutes. I'm hoping to get done with everything before One Tree Hill comes on at 3. It's become my new show. I caught random episodes when it first came on the air, but I never really got into it (although I enjoyed it when I watched it). Luckily, SoapNet shows it every day from 2-4, so I'm gonna catch it at 3 (since the 2pm show is yesterday's 3pm show).

Well, one year of TTC down, another to go! I'm really excited to go to the doctor next Tuesday. I'm hoping to get started on Clomid, and I really think it'll work. My body has tried so many times to ovulate over the past cycle; I think it just needs a little nudge in the right direction to get it over the hump. Hopefully, Clomid will give it that little boost!

11 months, 4 weeks...

...is how long we've been trying for Baby Pack #1. It is also how long it's been since our last anniversary! We aren't planning to do much in the way of celebration. We've somewhat exchanged gifts already. He gave me cash to go see Eclipse (without him, of course...he's not into sparkly vamps and shirtless men). I've got his gift still hidden away, and he'll get it on Wednesday. I'm excited to give it to him. :)

BL workout wasn't too bad today. I bought some actual weights (3 lb each), which made things so much easier. I was using cans of peaches as weights before (1 lb, 13 oz each). They were so bulky, so it was nice to use real weights this time! They are heavier, though, so my arms really got tired faster than usual. DH thinks I'm really toning up--although I don't see it--and he's been my biggest cheerleader as far as my workouts go. He's always telling me how sexy I am, and even though I don't quite see it/feel it, it makes me feel good that he thinks I'm sexy. That's not to say he didn't think I was sexy before, but I think he tells me that more now because he knows how self-conscious I am now that I'm working out.

We're heading to the beach this weekend with his family. I don't have my "beach body", but I am slimming a bit (lost 4 lbs so far!), so I won't feel so chubby in my bikini. It'll be nice to get away for the weekend, although I am a little anxious about leaving my cats. Usually, DH's mom comes to take care of them when we're gone, but since she'll be with us, I'm hoping DH's dad will come by. I'm going to make sure to put extra food and water out for them, and if their litter box gets too full, it won't be that big of a deal, I suppose.

So, with our one year anniversary of TTC coming up, I suppose I shall say that I'm very much looking forward to the next year. I really do feel things will happen soon. I may not be as young as I thought I'd be with baby #1 arrives, but I wouldn't mind being a 24-year-old mom. Wouldn't mind at all. :)

Go away, cramps!

So I'm anxious to see what my body's trying to do now. Since Wednesday evening, I have had George (AF) cramps and my lower back has been aching. Since I haven't ovulated, I wouldn't see why I would be having period cramps. I've had just the tiniest bit of spotting as well (mainly very light pink EWCM/creamy cm), but that seems to have disappeared since Thursday morning. DH and I BD'ed just in case it was ovulation cramping from both sides or something, but I don't have a clue what's going on!

My sister's coming to visit me today! Yay! We're going to go watch Eclipse tomorrow morning. DH's anniversary present to me was money to go watch Eclipse. He's such a sweet husband. ;)

BL workout sucked on Wednesday, but it was better than Monday. Here's to hoping today's workout won't be so bad!

My poor arms! (Part 2)

So I decided to go ahead and move to Level 2 of the BL workout. My arms were not at all pleased with me for that. I must've really strained something near my elbow in my left arm because it really, really hurts. Even just barely brushing the skin hurts. I had to be careful while sleeping last night lest the comforter brush against my elbow. I'm thinking that when I do the workout today, I will just skip the arm stuff (despite the fact that Level 2 deals primarily with arms). Or, maybe I will do the arm stuff but without weights. I don't want to further injure myself. Level 2 really kicked my butt, though. Hopefully today it will not be so bad.

The kitties have really been enjoying their little forays onto the back porch. They go out into their huge cage (designed for transport of large dogs, so I can easily fit all 4 kitties in there with room for all of them to lay down) and just enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Of course, Frank thinks he ought to be able to roam the entire back porch, so he cries like a baby when he has to sit in the cage. Of course, now that they all go outside and love it, they think they need to go outside all the time. Today, they've opted just to sit in the open window and snooze. Luckily, our small couch is right under the window so they lay on the top of the couch. I've even lined the top of the couch with blankets so they can have a comfy nature-watching experience. They're such spoiled kitties.

I've had a small drop in weight in the past week! I don't know quantitatively, but when I got on the scales Monday evening after having eaten all day and having just eaten a rather large meal, I weighed 150.8 lbs. A week prior to that, I weighed that same amount after hopping on the scales right before lunch (and after having no breakfast). So, I'm pretty excited to be losing some weight. I've also noticed I've lost some inches on my waistline, which is awesome! I wish I could lose some inches around my hips (the width of my hips is what's keeping me from wearing my size 7-8 jeans!), but I'll take what I can get.

My body's acting like it's gearing up to O again. I doubt it will, but I'm not stressing about it. It will or it won't, and no amount of my freaking out about it is going to change that. All I can do is make sure we BD at least one or two times during my "maybe O" times. I'm just under two weeks away from my next doctor's appointment, during which I will ask for Clomid. I like my doctor, he's very knowledgeable about PCOS, but I'm not a huge fan of the "wait and see" approach. I'm ready to ovulate, and since I can't do it on my own with exercise and proper diet, then medication's the next step!

Great weekend!

UGH, BLOGGER! I just had this post finished and ready to publish, and the page went all screwy and deleted everything I wrote. That’s really annoying!

Yesterday was the 4th, and we had a wonderful day. Our families all came here to celebrate, which was neat because we never host any holiday get-togethers. We were a little worried that we wouldn’t have enough room for everyone since it’s enough of a struggle just to fit 5-6 people in here, let alone 12-13. We managed, though, and everyone had a great time. We had plenty of food and my kitties (especially our “outside kitties” that I’ve secretly kind of adopted even though DH still wants us to take them to a shelter) were the hit of the party. Frank loved all the attention…he’s such a ham!

My bbt has been super weird lately. Over the past 4 days it steadily dropped all the way down to 96.3. Up until this cycle, the lowest temp I’ve recorded was 96.7, so seeing it go that low made me pretty nervous. My mom just got diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and knowing that that puts me at a high risk of having a thyroid disorder myself, I was really hoping my temp wouldn’t continue to drop. It went back up today to 96.8, though, so that makes me feel better.
I’m hoping that the temp increase is just my body regulating back out, and not due to ovulation. I’m pretty sure I didn’t ovulate, though. Didn’t have any fertile cm in the past 4 days, no ovulation pain, no sore nipples, nothing that would indicate impending/already occurred ovulation. Lucky for us, too; DH and I haven’t had time to BD in the past four days, so ovulation would be a bad thing right now!

Gonna change up my BL workout today. Instead of adding weeks 3-4 on to my routine, I’m going to replace weeks 1-2 with weeks 3-4 and see how that goes. I’ve had some good success with this workout, so I’m eager to continue. I’ve got a little under two weeks until our beach vacation, so I want to keep slimming my waist line down. If only I could get my butt to do the same…

Our third anniversary is coming up really soon. I can’t believe it’s only been 3 years. Feels like I’ve been with DH for much longer, which isn’t a bad thing! I love that man more than I can explain in words. He is everything I have ever imagined my husband being, and I’m so happy that he is the one I am spending the rest of my life with.

Our TTC anniversary is also quickly approaching…same day as our wedding anniversary, actually. I’m not too sad about that, though. I have extremely high hopes that next year, on what will be our 4th wedding anniversary, we will have a little baby with us to help us celebrate. :)

Feeling better

Today was a better day (as far as TTC goes). I spent all afternoon trying to fix the huge mess Verizon has made of my bank account. Still don't have a clue how they got my account info, but if it happens again, a lawyer will be handling it instead of me.

Don't know why I feel better, but I do. I guess I am reaching a point where I don't care. A baby will come along eventually. I'm just going to enjoy the rest of my summer before work starts up again. If it happens, it happens.

Can't wait until Sunday! We're hosting the family 4th of July get-together, and I get to see my family! :-D I won't get to see them again 'til the end of July, so I'm glad for this coming weekend!

Momma cat and her kittens came back again today. I love seeing them outside. The little boy kitten always runs from me when I go to pet him, but he doesn't mind if I sit near him. The little girl doesn't mind if I pet her, and Momma loves it when I pet her. She's the sweetest!

Top picture: Momma and Little Boy
Bottom picture: Little Girl

Bad day

I am feeling very down today. The sadness started last night, and has continued on to today. I'm just so tired. I want to give up. The emotional toll TTCing is taking on me is more than I can handle. I am so very tired of getting my hopes up to ovulate, only to see my temps go down instead of up. I'm tired of every day's mood being set by what my temperature was that morning. I'm tired of having the EWCM without ovulation. I'm tired of seeing the days go on and knowing that we are getting closer and closer to the one year anniversary of TTCing without any child(ren) on the way. I am so angry that my body absolutely refuses to work. I'm mad because I want a baby so badly, and DH is actually telling me that he wants a baby so badly (he usually doesn't say much about it...I think he's verbalizing it because we're both getting so impatient and disheartened). I want to give up so badly but I'm so afraid that the second we stop trying, I'll ovulate and we'll have missed our chance. I cannot keep doing this. It hurts too much.

Let this be it!

UGH. I just finished my BL workout. I've really lost the motivation to do it over the past 3-4 days, but I have faithfully kept to it, even though I really don't want to. I have noticed that my waist is slimming, which is great, but I think my hips need to do the same! I could get in to my 5-6 jeans again if my hips would just shrink a little bit!

Today makes day 3 of 100% real EWCM. DH and I have BDed twice over the past three days, and I am really hoping this is it. Everytime DH and I get done BDing, he asks me, "So do you think we made a baby?" I sure hope so! I have had some random twinges in my right side near my ovary. According to TCOYF, there are 2 lymph nodes down near my groin right below my hip joint, and whenever that lymph node can be felt (like a pea-sized ball), that's the side you ovulate from. I tested that out when I read it, and sure enough, the right lymph node was swollen and felt like a little ball, so I'm hoping that the swollen lymph node and the slight cramping on my right side mean that I'm finally gonna ovulate!

I have noticed in the past few days that I am much more attracted to DH than usual. Don't get me wrong; he's sexier than any man alive, but I typically don't get turned on visually. However, just about every time I look at DH, I just wanna rip his clothes off and ravish him. I am also hoping that this is a good sign!

I've got a ton of laundry to catch up on tomorrow. It's been a hectic past few weeks, and I just haven't really thought about keeping up with it. The laundry is really starting to pile up, though, so I really need to get it done. Luckily, I should have all day tomorrow to do it!

TCOYF

I checked out Taking Charge of Your Fertility from the library today. I've heard many cysters talk about it and how great it is, so I'm gonna read it and see if I glean any new information (I'm sure I will). Maybe I'll find some good stuff to help DH understand what's going on inside my body.

Speaking of fertility, I had some 100% true EWCM today! So, DH and I BDed and hopefully I'll actually ovulate this time. I don't quite have my hopes up, but I really do hope this is it. Even if I don't end up pregnant, I would love to ovulate! I'm at CD80 today, and that's just ridiculous!

DH and I got to have lunch today with some dear friends of ours. We really missed them, so it was great to hang out today. Hopefully we will get to do it again soon!

I think my sister's going to come visit next weekend. I'm really hoping she does. We'll get to have a "girl" weekend of video games and horror movies. ;)

What a week so far!

It has been a crazy week. DH's grandma passed away yesterday, so I cut my family visit short to come back and be with him. The way he described her passing was almost exactly how things went with my grandmother. It was scary how alike it was. Brought back many memories from that day. The funeral is Friday. I didn't know his grandma very well, but I could tell from the few times I got to really spend with her that she was a very sweet, very loving woman and she truly adored DH and his siblings. I had really hoped DH and I would have a child before she passed so that our child could know her, but things just didn't work out that way.

Did my BL workout on Monday, and felt pretty good. Then, I noticed after my shower that lo and behold, I'm getting abs! I can see some definition starting in my abs, and it makes me so happy. I may not be losing much weight according to the scales, but my tummy is tightening up and that is okay with me! :)

Definitely didn't ovulate this past time around...although, I guess I should've expected that. My ovaries just don't want to give up those eggs! I keep alternating between deep sadness over the fact that we are still childless, and apathy since I know that every time I get my hopes up that I've ovulated, I don't. I wish I could get myself to stop charting, but then I know I would just stress about it even more and wonder if I missed O'ing because I wasn't keeping track. *sigh*

DH and I found a momma kitty and two little babies outside our apartment today. The momma is so sweet, and very friendly, but her little babies are feral and utterly terrified of me. We put some food and water out for them. Hopefully they will keep coming back. I have a nice little area made up on our back porch for the stray kitties around to come and eat and sleep in a nice, comfy dog box (it's even got pillows for them to lie on).

DH and I are going to go get our wedding garb tomorrow (well, today now) for the weddings we'll be in soon. He's got to get fitted for a tux, and I have to order my dress. His brother's coming with us. I think it'll be a fun trip! :)

Ugh...I still haven't done my BL workout for today (yesterday?). I just need to do it and get it over with. I ate a lot of food for dinner that I didn't need to be eating (2 pieces Papa John's pepperoni pizza, two garlic parmesan breadsticks, and a snickerdoodle cookie). Hopefully the workout will make me sleepy so I can go to bed before 3:00am like last night!

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day! I wish I could've been saying this to DH, but there's always next year!

I have had the weirdest cm lately. It's yellow, stretchy, and super abundant. I have Googled it many, many times and many of the message boards I've read have said it's the type of cm they had when they got their BFP. I don't know how likely that is for me, but it's strange to say the least. I haven't had this much cm in a long time. It doesn't have an odor or anything, and I don't have any itching/irritation/burning/elevated temperature, so I don't think it's an infection of any sort. I suppose I just have to keep waiting and see if it goes away or not. Might be something to ask my doctor about this week.

My BBT keeps rising, which I suppose correlates with the + OPK I had on CD69. I don't have the sore nipples, though, and those are typically a confirmation that I ovulated (although, I've ovulated only 4 times since last July, and I only remember having sore nipples 2 of those times, so I guess I could be wrong). BBT is a better indicator than sore nipples, though, so I'm just gonna go with it.

Day 4 of the Biggest Loser workout tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting back into the routine. I'm gonna be sore, but I feel good when I do it!

OPKs are so confusing!

Day 3 of my workout went so much better! I only took one mini-break, in which I did half as many reps as Bob wanted. The tops of my thighs were burning so bad, I just couldn't hold it for as long as he wanted me to! I think Monday's workout will be good, though. I'm really looking forward to it.

I think I got another positive OPK today. It's the kind where if any part of the test band is positive, then the test is positive. They're so hard to read though, so I honestly don't know if it was positive or not. It looked almost exactly like the "positive" test I took a few days ago, so I just chose to mark it as positive and made a note that it could very well be negative. I've had a very slow, but steady bbt increase since the day FF predicted I would ovulate, but I don't think I did ovulate. So, I guess we'll see in a few days if today's "positive" OPK is legit or not.

I'm visiting my family for Father's Day, and I'm supposed to go wedding dress shopping with my best friend from high school on Monday. Hopefully we'll find what we're looking for and it won't be super expensive!

Feeling lost and angry today.

Well, I got my OGTT results back today. Everything was normal. Last glucose check I did, it was 104 which was pre-diabetic. And, of course, now it's fine. I'm so frustrated, I could scream! The whole point of the OGTT was to confirm IR so I could start metformin and hopefully be on my way to regular cycles. However, this stupid test just had to come back normal so that I now have to wait until July 20 before I can see my doctor to see what he wants to do now. I called his office today hoping to speak with him about just that, and his nurse called back and told me that he hadn't said anything about what to do next so I have to wait until my appointment. I have been waiting 11+ months to finally get something going, and now I have to wait one more?! I never thought I'd be so angry to not have IR! I finally had a goal: get on metformin, get my insulin levels down, hopefully get my weight down, and maybe I'll ovulate. But now, I have no idea what to do, and no idea where to go from here.

I just want a baby. I want to ovulate regularly. I want to stop having to stress about bbt and cm and all that crap that I wish I didn't have to bother with in the first place!

I just want to sit and cry. I'm so frustrated and disappointed and angry. My bbt has been really crappy lately, and although it's rising very slowly, I'm about 99.9% sure that it doesn't mean anything because I don't have sore nips like I used to have when I ovulated so I really don't think I ovulated. I am so SICK of TTC. This is supposed to be a happy time in our lives when we're trying to create a little one that we will love more than anything, and instead it's just plain disappointment and stress and tears. I hate it.

I hope all of you women who have children don't take them for granted, because there are some of us who would give anything to have a child of our own.

Day 2 with Bob

Today will be day 2 of my BL workout. I was very sore yesterday, and I'm still pretty sore today, but I need to get in shape so I will grit my teeth and do it again!

I finally had some real EWCM yesterday, so DH and I got to BDing. Afterwards, he said, "I think that was some good Mommy/Daddy time." I was quite confused by the statement, thinking that he was referring somehow to our cats (I call him their daddy, I'm their mommy), so I asked for clarification. He said, "I think that was some babymaking time." I wish I could say I agreed with him, but honestly, I'm so bitter and negative about TTC that all I said was, "Yeah, I doubt it." I really hope we do make a baby, but I don't think we will. I haven't ovulated yet this cycle, although my body has tried 3 times already. I can't say I'm too optimistic for the next few days.

In about a week, DH and I will be going to the beach with his family. It'll be nice to spend a few days on vacation again with my husband, and also to hang out with his family. :)

Sunday is Father's Day. I had so badly hoped to have some good news to share...I'd really hoped it could be DH's "first" Father's Day, but of course we wouldn't be that lucky. I suppose the next best gift would be for me to actually ovulate, but I'm not counting on that, either. I did use an OPK yesterday and it was darker than the day before. I'm going to use another one today to see if it's any darker. I really hope it is, but I know that a positive OPK doesn't equal ovulation.

So, I guess it's just fingers crossed for the rest of the week! Please God, let me ovulate this time!

So sore today!

11 months and one day today. I am so hoping that by the end of this summer we'll have a little one on the way, but perhaps I maybe ought to change my goal to the end of 2010! I got some free OPKs in the mail yesterday and used one...it wasn't positive, but there was a line there and it was about half as dark as I needed it to be. I may use another one today just to see. I've had some really strange CM the past few days. It's yellow and holds its shape really well, and a small bit of it is really stretchy like EWCM but most of it isn't. I have no idea how to record it on FF, but FF says to record the most fertile type, so I've been recording it as EWCM. It's not like my normal EWCM, though, so I'm tempted to just change it to creamy and ignore it. It's just so weird. I've had so much of it lately. Sometimes I get these huge globs of it. I remember when we first started TTC, I had the same thing happened but just assumed it was because I was stopping BCPs. Hopefully at my next doctor's appointment my doctor can give me some clue as to what's going on!

I started one of the "The Biggest Loser" workout DVDs last night. The warmup itself kicked my butt! I am so out of shape! I'm taking a break from it today to go running with DH. I know I won't be running very much, but it'll be a start. I'll do the BL DVD again tomorrow, though. I hope it doesn't kill me again, but I bet it will. ;)

Almost 11 months

In just two days, DH and I will have been trying for baby #1 for 11 months. I cannot believe it's been that long already. I mean, we've had some good progress (finally getting checked for IR) but it's a bit sad that we don't already have a baby or have one on the way. I'm really hoping that by the end of the summer, we will be expecting a beautiful bundle of joy. I have to give myself something to work toward, so that will be my new goal.

I haven't had much soda since the OGTT. I had zero energy for the next-to-last night of VBS, which I'm sure was due to the fact that I haven't consumed any drink other than water until that point. Yesterday, I had a small cup of punch, but I've been trying my best not to drink any calories. I've been sticking to water, which has made me realize that a) I need to go buy a new filter for our water filter, and b) the tap water is not remotely cold enough to be satisfying. I'm going to need to start filling jugs and keeping them in the fridge to make them cold enough.

Just hanging out here with the kitties today. DH is working an overtime shift 'til 11, so I've been doing absolutely nothing productive all day. I'm thinking about reading for a couple of hours until I'm hungry enough to have some dinner. I think I've been doing pretty well as far as my diet is concerned. I haven't been counting calories, but I think I'm hovering around 1200-1300 a day, which is great. I've been eating more filling foods, which means I'm snacking less during the day. I've only had 3/4 cup ice cream and about an ounce of chocolate since I started the diet, so I'm pretty proud of myself! I had half a bag of M&Ms in my yogurt today, and half a dark chocolate bar (approx. 0.73 oz). I have felt like I've snacked more today than I should've, but I think from now on, whenever I get the urge to start snacking, I'll just drink water. Then, I'll get closer to drinking the amount of water I should be drinking and not fill up on sugar and snacks.

My poor arms!

My arms are so sore. Today I did the glucose tolerance test. I didn't know they were going to make me stay at the hospital for the full 2 hours, so I didn't bring any reading material or anything to keep me entertained. However, the resulting nausea from drinking the Glucola kept me pretty occupied for the two hours I was there. That stuff by far was the worst stuff I've ever had to drink (even worse than the barium drink I had to have for my cat scan a long time ago). I remember watching an episode of 'The Biggest Loser' this past season where some of the contestants were eating junk food, and they were complaining about how sick they were getting after just a few bites of the super sugary sweets, and I didn't understand how they could feel that way until today. Drinking straight sugar made me realize just how yucky sugar can be. Definitely made me want to swear off soda for a long time!

I need to remember next time to ask them if they have a different kind of tape to put over the gauze after a blood draw. I'm allergic to the adhesive, so even having the tape on there for a few minutes causes my skin to turn red and become very sore. Having the tape on there for the minimum 15 minutes after a blood draw makes me very uncomfortable for days, and leaves a nice red "image" of the tape on my skin. That's why I can't ever use Band-Aids or anything of that sort. I had a big ol' cut this past summer, and had to leave the Band-Aid on for a few days, and the resulting reaction left a mark on my skin in the imprint of the Band-Aid for a few months. It was the strangest looking thing!

I started my new diet today after the test. I had some chicken and rice soup (1.5 cups...just a little over the recommended 1 cup), a piece of light string cheese, a banana, and a glass of water. I felt really good after eating and didn't feel like I ate a lot of junk or fatty stuff. For dinner, we ate at church so I didn't get to eat as healthy as I would like, but I had a hot dog with sauce and some ketchup, a bowl of veggie soup with 2 crackers, a cookie, a small brownie, and a slice of pound cake (yeah, didn't need all that dessert...but it was right there just waiting on me to eat it!). Now, I'm eating a light hot dog (didn't know they made those until yesterday) on a wheat bun with a single serving of fat-free pretzel sticks and a piece of light string cheese. I like eating healthy (or at least trying to). ;)

VBS has been exhausting, but very much a blessing and so awesome to be a part of! The kids are all so enthusiastic and entertaining, and they seem genuinely happy to be there. My nervousness about teaching a class is completely gone, and I feel really comfortable talking to them and interacting with them. I consider this just more prep for when I have kids of my own!

Bye bye, sugar...

I completely forgot that I needed to do my 2-hr. glucose tolerance test. It's been well over a month since my doctor ordered it. I suppose I'm going to need to do that one day this week. It's going to be such a hectic week anyway. My inspection sticker expired on my car so I've got to get that done tomorrow sometime in between decorating for VBS, running with DH, prepping for VBS and then VBS itself. I could get up in the morning and do the test, but I had a tiny bit of Sprite about 30 min. ago and I think I have to do an 8- or 10-hour fast anyway. I'd rather not make things even more hectic tomorrow than they're already going to be.

I'm happy to be home. I miss hanging out with my family, but I am so happy to be relaxing on the couch with my kitties surrounding me. I got to go to church tonight for what felt like the first time in a long time. I love my church. I love my church family, I love worshipping God with them. I got to work in the library tonight, which I missed more than I thought I would. I got some organizing done, which (surprisingly enough) I really enjoy doing.

I've started reading the Percy Jackson series of books. I'm on the first one right now, and I'm really liking it. I've always been fascinated by Greek mythology. It all seems so silly, but I've always been a huge fan of fantasy stories, and the myths themselves are so fantastical that I just love to read them. I think if I ever decided to go back to college for fun, I would get a degree in classics. I loved the classics courses I took at MU. I wish I'd taken more of them!

It's looking like I'll be able to start my new "diet" on Tuesday. We'll do some grocery shopping tomorrow (if we can fit it in) and then we can start going from my awesome menu that I created. I've planned out every meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks). I didn't bother with calorie counts, but I incorporated a ton of fruits and veggies and whole wheat/whole grain foods. I cut out all of the boxed meals and processed foods. I'm also going to attempt to cut out as much sugar as I can. That means no more soda. :( It will be worth it in the end, especially if I can drop the 20 lbs I want to lose and get a BFP in the process!

Yard Sales

Today Tipsy and I hit up a few yard sales. I wasn't anticipating going with her, but she really wanted me to go and I figured I could scope out some more children's books (I've got a huge collection already...Matthew and I love to read, so I bet our kids will, too). I ended up buying two baby blankets and a ton of books. I don't think I spent more than $7 total, so I was pretty pleased. I did notice that had I been pregnant already, I could've really loaded up on cute outfits. Almost every sale we went to had tables full of baby clothes! I didn't buy any, although I really saw some cute dresses and pants for really cheap!

I'm heading back home tomorrow. I really miss DH and my kitties. It'll be nice to have some time to relax at home, even though this week will be stressful with VBS. Everything will be okay, though. I'm anxious to get this week over with, but I'm happy I'll get to spend it with my husband!

Gooooooooooal!

Yesterday was a good day. :)

Tipsy (my grandma) is visiting for a few days, and I always love getting to spend time with her. We spent the whole day just hanging out, and this evening I got to see my "Sis" Kristin and her little girl Kamryn. Kam was being so goofy...she had a blast with our cats and the dog. I hope to have a sweet little girl like her someday. ;)

I had some pangs in my right ovary earlier, but haven't had any EWCM so I'm pretty sure I'm not ovulating or even close to it, which is good since I don't get to see DH until Sunday, and we haven't seen each other since this past Sunday. A week-long gap isn't good for TTCing, but I think we're safe, haha.

I've had it in my head for awhile that maybe I want to go buy a onesie or something. I guess I think that maybe once I get a baby-related item, things will start happening. Of course, I may just end up stockpiling lots of baby gear, but...I don't know...I need something to give me a bit of hope. It's like when you're overweight and you have a "goal" outfit or pair of jeans or whatever. It gives you something to aspire to. If I go buy a pair of 5/6 jeans, I will just have to lose the weight so I wouldn't have wasted the money on the jeans. So...if I buy the onesie, my body will have to get in gear so I won't have wasted the money on the onesie. That's how it works, right? ;)

No Ov this time around.

Well, like I thought, I didn't ovulate. This cycle just keeps going on and on! I'm very tempted to get my last Provera refill, but my doctor said he wanted me to try to have a natural one. I'm sure he won't let me go too much longer, though. I'm already about 2 months in to this cycle, and I think most doctors don't let you go longer than 3 months without inducing a bleed.

I've spent the day just relaxing. Took a nap earlier since my "rain radar" (my sinuses/head) informed me quite painfully that rain was on its way. It's been storming for about an hour now. I tried to get some good pictures of the lightning, but I'm not quick enough and I would've had to stand out in the pouring rain to get the best ones.

I miss DH. I'll get to see him on Saturday, but that's so far away. We have barely seen each other since we got back from our vacation nearly a month ago. I've been up visiting family for two of those weeks, and he hasn't been able to come with me since he doesn't have any more vacation time banked. Hopefully I won't have to do too much traveling this month so I can see him more.

Some of the cysters and I have been venting on the boards and talking about all the crap we've dealt with since starting the TTC process. It's been so nice to share our stories and complain and laugh and vent. I really enjoy the PCOS message board. It's so good to have that support. :)

It's so hot in here!

Today has been pretty eventful. I walked about an hour in the park with my mom, then my stepfather and I fixed my car (it was making a horrible thumping noise under my feet...rotated the tires around and now it's gone!). The AC is broken here, so it's been toasty hot outside and toasty hot inside. I'm really hoping it won't skew my temp in the morning, but I'm gonna be sweating so bad all night it's probably going to be higher than I would expect.

I wanted to adopt a kitty today, but DH would've killed me. We already have four little furbabies, and that's two past his limit, and four past what he can reasonably handle. ;) I took Bean Bean to the vet for his eye, and they had some free kittens there, and this little black kitten was just so darn adorable and I wanted him really bad. Luckily, DH talked some sense into my head and I went home with just the kitty I brought.

I'm spending the day tomorrow just relaxing with my sister. We'll probably do what we always do: play Resident Evil 5. I've lost count of how many times we've beaten it. I think we know it inside and out now. I also need to get with my best friend from high school to help her plan her wedding. She's going to be such a beautiful bride. :)

7 dpo? Yeah, right.

Temp went back up today, but barely. I'm really thinking that FF is lying to me, and that my high temps were due to my cold. I'm up visiting my mom for the week, and of course I managed to forget my thermometer, so I'm going to use one of hers but I won't have a clue how accurate it is relative to my thermometer. *sigh*

Sometimes I wonder if DH and I had done things the "wrong" way we maybe would've had a BFP by now. I know that's silly to think, but when I see all sorts of people I knew growing up getting pregnant, then getting married (maybe), then finishing college...it makes me frustrated to know that DH and I got married, I got my master's (he had his schooling done before we met), and we're still trying for that little bundle of joy. I almost feel like we're being punished for doing things in the right order. I know that it doesn't work that way, and God certainly wouldn't fault us for following His will, but man...it's one of those thoughts I have sometimes when I'm in the middle of a pity party.

I just have to keep telling myself that this will all be worth it in the end. The day we get to hold our beautiful little baby in our arms will be one of the best days of our lives. Our little one won't grow up thinking they weren't wanted, because oh, do we want you so badly!

Well, on a much brighter note, I'll be spending the week visiting family. I love getting to see my family. It sucks to be away from my husband for days on end, and being away from my kitties, but I love hanging out all day with my mom and watching 'Days of Our Lives' and playing Resident Evil 5 with my sister. I'm lucky I don't have to work this summer so I can get this time with my family. It'll also be the last splurge on food before I have to start my "diet". I really don't want to be battling pre-diabetes/type 2 diabetes, so starting next week I will be running with DH for 30 mins. a day and eating much healthier than I am now. It'll be more expensive (one of the reasons we bought the unhealthy foods before...we had/have a tight budget), but anything that'll make me healthier and increase our chances for a BFP is something we will definitely do!

"Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy." -Dr. Bob Kelso, 'Scrubs'

6 DPO

I've decided to start chronicling our TTC journey. It's been over 10 months so far, and it's been sucky. We started trying on our second anniversary, completely innocent and naive as to just how difficult this journey would be. I had gotten myself thinking that I would get pregnant immediately, since my mother had said she'd gotten pregnant with me the first month she stopped taking BCPs. All of the "new" symptoms I had that first month had me rushing to the store to buy loads of HPTs. (I shudder to think of how much money I've spent so far on HPTs. First Response and Equate must love me.) Of course, they were all negative, and the "2ww symptoms" were simply post-ovulation symptoms. I remember the first 2-3 months being so annoyed by EWCM and sore nips. I didn't know at that point that after a period in October, I wouldn't have another until January, and then wouldn't have one on my own again for who knows how long (almost 5 months now...Provera took care of that in February and March, though). I knew I had PCOS, but it wasn't until we started TTC that I realized how much of a pain having PCOS is.

I don't ovulate every month like normal women. I've only ovulated on my own once since October. So, while most women have 12 times a year to get pregnant, we maybe only have one or two. Can't say that gives me much of a positive outlook on TTC, but I know the end result will make all of the tears and irritation and anger worth it.

Today, according to FF, I'm 6 dpo. Do I think I ovulated? I honestly don't have a clue. I had watery and EWCM, and my temperatures look higher than my supposed pre-ovulation temperatures, but I also had a cold this past week and while I didn't run a fever, that could account for the higher-than-usual temps. I guess having gone through 10 months of basically no ovulation whatsoever, and going through the hope that maybe this month is our month and then finding out it wasn't, I'm not very optimistic about the TTC process in general.

I try not to talk with DH too much about the in-depth aspects of TTC. He doesn't quite understand a lot of it, and some of it grosses him out (can't say 'cervical mucus'...gotta say 'fertile me stuff', LOL). He's been very patient with me, though. He completely understands that my infertility isn't something I can necessarily control, and he's always been in support of any option I've chosen medically to help me ovulate.

We're probably going to be starting metformin in the next couple of weeks once I get my glucose tolerance test done. They've already determined that I'm pre-diabetic (thanks, PCOS!) so the metformin should help lower my insulin levels so that I can maybe ovulate on my own for once. I really hope it helps. I don't want to be one of those couples that tries for 2-7 years for their first child. I didn't even want to be one of the people trying for 2-7 months, but, you know...

I suppose right now it's just a watch-and-wait thing as far as ovulation is concerned. My bbt dropped today from 97.7 to 96.8. Of course, I've gotten my hopes up that it's an implantation dip, Is that likely? Nope. But I have to do the silly thing and get all excited that maybe this is it. It'd be nice to give my husband a Father's Day present this year that's not from our cats. :)