Mini Update

-My supply's finally gone back up. I can get the next day's bottles for Noah in just two pumping sessions, which is very awesome indeed. Makes me way less stressed!

-Noah, in all his wriggling and kicking this morning, managed to undo one side of his diaper. So, when I went to get him out of his crib to nurse him before work, he was soaked...as was the crib sheet and the mattress (thankfully it's covered with plastic!). So, he got a quick wipe-down (no time for a bath) and we changed out his sheet and cleaned the mattress with a wipe. I told DH to double check next time to make sure the diaper's not too tight so this doesn't happen again. Noah didn't seem to mind being wet, but he hated getting wiped down, haha.

-The paroxetine might actually be working. I don't feel nearly as great as I did on the Pristiq, but I'm starting to have a more positive outlook on life in general. For a bit yesterday, I actually looked forward to going home. Normally I think on the afternoons with a sense of dread, but yesterday I was glad to go home and hang out with Noah. We played with his activity gym for an hour, then napped for a couple hours. I didn't feel anxious or stressed at all. :)

Noah Updates

Totally forgot to mention updates in Noah's world:

He's up to 13 lbs, 14 oz. as of his last appointment and is 24.5 inches long. Right on track!

He also made liars out of us, haha. When the nurse asked if he was pushing himself up using his arms, we said no, because until that point he hadn't. The next day, he was on the couch and ended up rolling from his side to his tummy. I left him lie there to see what he'd do. The little stinker started pushing himself up and lifting up his head! I took pics because I didn't think anyone would believe me. Of course, he still won't do tummy time if he doesn't initiate it...he's going to be one stubborn little boy!

No change

I'm trying to be hopeful about the Paxil, but I honestly don't feel any different yet. I realize it can take up to eight weeks to see a noticeable difference, but I'm getting impatient. I noticed a difference right away with the Pristiq, but nothing's changed so far. I still panic when Matthew works a 7am-3pm shift and I'm home by myself with the baby. I know that I'll get through it just fine, but that trepidation is still there. I think much of my problem is that I'm just so tired all the time, and it seems like the PPD manifests itself primarily when I'm not at my best physically. I feel like all I want to do when I'm home is sleep, and I get frustrated when I'm tired and Noah's not. Lately we've been taking naps together on the couch. I enjoy doing that, but I just wish I enjoyed spending time with Noah all the time.

I finally had my first PP AF. I'd had some EWCM for a few days, but didn't think much of it. Then the spotting started a few weeks later (I think...I honestly don't know how long my LP was). It's not been that bad, but I'm disappointed that it's back already. I'd heard that EBFing would keep AF away for a good while, so I thought I had at least another couple of months of freedom. I guess now that Noah's sleeping longer stretches at night, my body's getting itself back in order. How sad is it that I'd love for my PCOS to kick in so I wouldn't have to bother with AF until we were TTC again?

Paroxetine

I finally got on an antidepressant: paroxetine (aka generic Paxil). I started it Friday night. It certainly isn't the nicest medication I've ever taken. So far I've experienced: nausea, anxiety/nervousness (24/7...feels like I could have a panic attack at any moment), sleeplessness (because I'm so jittery), metallic taste in my mouth and some blurred vision. I usually take it at night so I can try to sleep away some of the side effects, but that certainly hasn't been happening lately. I've noticed that I'm so jittery/anxious that I'm involuntarily clenching my jaws, so much so that my teeth are hurting. I'm giving it the rest of the pack (~26 pills) to see how things improve (or don't improve). I didn't have any problems when taking Pristiq, but it hasn't been evaluated for use by nursing moms yet. On the up side, however, I spent the whole day with Noah yesterday (had a bad migraine so I stayed home from work) and I didn't feel completely overwhelmed. I guess that's a start!

Today Noah has his four-month check-up. He should be getting his second round of immunizations, which is quite a bummer for all of us, haha. Hopefully he'll do just as well with these as he did the first round. He's been awfully fussy lately, with being so sleepy but not wanting to nap. Hopefully we can all get some good sleep tonight!

Hello, 2012!

Just randomly posting whatever I think of to update with. I know there's lots of things going on, but I just don't want to sit and make it all flow well.

--I'm so psyched to start off the new year with my little boy. I can't even believe I get to say that!

--I totally can't wait to do taxes. Seriously. Not just because we'll get a hefty return this year, but because I just like doing taxes. Luckily we're relatively poor so it's not hard to do taxes. If it was any harder, I might not like it so much.

--DH and I need to sit down and really hash out what we plan to do as far as looking for a new place. We keep talking about it in a "It'll happen someday..." sense, but it needs to be a "Let's get moved before 2013" sense.

--Totally had EWCM today. Super duper stretchy, and super duper unwelcome. It would be my luck to actually have EWCM when we're absolutely not even close to TTC for at least another 9 months. This means that AF could potentially be returning soon, which is really annoying. I'd hoped to be one of those women who didn't have a period until after weaning. Of course, my body just could be returning to its screwed up ways, and I won't even ovulate for another 4 months or so. As long as AF's return is delayed, I suppose I won't complain too much.

--Postpartum hair loss really, really sucks. I honestly feel like I'm going bald. I'm losing handfuls and handfuls daily. My hair feels so thin now. I've been wearing it long because DH likes it, but have been considering cutting it shorter so it looks thicker. I hope it starts growing back soon...if you pull my hair back, it looks like I have a receding hair line!

--Had another PPD setback yesterday. DH worked the evening shift, so it was just me and DS from 3-11 pm. DH let me get in a short nap from 1:30-2:30 before he left, but I woke up more tired than I was when I went to sleep. Of course, after eating, DS didn't want to go back to sleep, and he cried and fussed for another hour and a half before falling asleep. I also cried and fussed. Really wanted to throttle our cat Rudy when he meowed and woke DS up right after he fell asleep.

--A book I helped a professor with will be out in February. If you get the chance, pick up a copy of 'Eisenhower in War and Peace'. My name's in the acknowledgments. ;)