7 dpo? Yeah, right.

Temp went back up today, but barely. I'm really thinking that FF is lying to me, and that my high temps were due to my cold. I'm up visiting my mom for the week, and of course I managed to forget my thermometer, so I'm going to use one of hers but I won't have a clue how accurate it is relative to my thermometer. *sigh*

Sometimes I wonder if DH and I had done things the "wrong" way we maybe would've had a BFP by now. I know that's silly to think, but when I see all sorts of people I knew growing up getting pregnant, then getting married (maybe), then finishing college...it makes me frustrated to know that DH and I got married, I got my master's (he had his schooling done before we met), and we're still trying for that little bundle of joy. I almost feel like we're being punished for doing things in the right order. I know that it doesn't work that way, and God certainly wouldn't fault us for following His will, but man...it's one of those thoughts I have sometimes when I'm in the middle of a pity party.

I just have to keep telling myself that this will all be worth it in the end. The day we get to hold our beautiful little baby in our arms will be one of the best days of our lives. Our little one won't grow up thinking they weren't wanted, because oh, do we want you so badly!

Well, on a much brighter note, I'll be spending the week visiting family. I love getting to see my family. It sucks to be away from my husband for days on end, and being away from my kitties, but I love hanging out all day with my mom and watching 'Days of Our Lives' and playing Resident Evil 5 with my sister. I'm lucky I don't have to work this summer so I can get this time with my family. It'll also be the last splurge on food before I have to start my "diet". I really don't want to be battling pre-diabetes/type 2 diabetes, so starting next week I will be running with DH for 30 mins. a day and eating much healthier than I am now. It'll be more expensive (one of the reasons we bought the unhealthy foods before...we had/have a tight budget), but anything that'll make me healthier and increase our chances for a BFP is something we will definitely do!

"Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy." -Dr. Bob Kelso, 'Scrubs'

6 DPO

I've decided to start chronicling our TTC journey. It's been over 10 months so far, and it's been sucky. We started trying on our second anniversary, completely innocent and naive as to just how difficult this journey would be. I had gotten myself thinking that I would get pregnant immediately, since my mother had said she'd gotten pregnant with me the first month she stopped taking BCPs. All of the "new" symptoms I had that first month had me rushing to the store to buy loads of HPTs. (I shudder to think of how much money I've spent so far on HPTs. First Response and Equate must love me.) Of course, they were all negative, and the "2ww symptoms" were simply post-ovulation symptoms. I remember the first 2-3 months being so annoyed by EWCM and sore nips. I didn't know at that point that after a period in October, I wouldn't have another until January, and then wouldn't have one on my own again for who knows how long (almost 5 months now...Provera took care of that in February and March, though). I knew I had PCOS, but it wasn't until we started TTC that I realized how much of a pain having PCOS is.

I don't ovulate every month like normal women. I've only ovulated on my own once since October. So, while most women have 12 times a year to get pregnant, we maybe only have one or two. Can't say that gives me much of a positive outlook on TTC, but I know the end result will make all of the tears and irritation and anger worth it.

Today, according to FF, I'm 6 dpo. Do I think I ovulated? I honestly don't have a clue. I had watery and EWCM, and my temperatures look higher than my supposed pre-ovulation temperatures, but I also had a cold this past week and while I didn't run a fever, that could account for the higher-than-usual temps. I guess having gone through 10 months of basically no ovulation whatsoever, and going through the hope that maybe this month is our month and then finding out it wasn't, I'm not very optimistic about the TTC process in general.

I try not to talk with DH too much about the in-depth aspects of TTC. He doesn't quite understand a lot of it, and some of it grosses him out (can't say 'cervical mucus'...gotta say 'fertile me stuff', LOL). He's been very patient with me, though. He completely understands that my infertility isn't something I can necessarily control, and he's always been in support of any option I've chosen medically to help me ovulate.

We're probably going to be starting metformin in the next couple of weeks once I get my glucose tolerance test done. They've already determined that I'm pre-diabetic (thanks, PCOS!) so the metformin should help lower my insulin levels so that I can maybe ovulate on my own for once. I really hope it helps. I don't want to be one of those couples that tries for 2-7 years for their first child. I didn't even want to be one of the people trying for 2-7 months, but, you know...

I suppose right now it's just a watch-and-wait thing as far as ovulation is concerned. My bbt dropped today from 97.7 to 96.8. Of course, I've gotten my hopes up that it's an implantation dip, Is that likely? Nope. But I have to do the silly thing and get all excited that maybe this is it. It'd be nice to give my husband a Father's Day present this year that's not from our cats. :)