Ashamed

I feel like a total failure. Surprisingly, I don't feel like a failure in the TTC department, but in the "life" department. I recently graduated with my master's in chemistry, and in order to pursue my dream of becoming a mother, I continued working at my part-time job at the university instead of taking a really great job in Columbus, OH. My hours are great, the time off is wonderful, and the money is enough to help pay for insurance and other medical costs as well as allowing us to save a good chunk of it. My boss is a wonderful lady who didn't have PCOS but had spent two years TTC her first son. She told me that my hours were flexible and that once I got pregnant, I could come in whenever I needed to as long as I got my 20 hours a week in. I can take off whenever I need to for appointments and tests. It's really a sweet deal, but the real issue comes in with my old professors.

The head of the chem department stopped in my office today and said, "Didn't you graduate?" I felt so utterly embarrassed and ashamed for still being here instead of "making something of myself" and getting a PhD or working at a job in my field. I love the head of the chem dept, he was a great professor and I enjoyed learning from him, but I felt like I was disappointing him by not doing anything with the education he and the department gave me. I don't even want to go near the science building because I don't want to run into any more of my professors, which sucks 'cause I miss many of them. I've taken to just telling everyone that I haven't decided yet whether to get a job or a PhD, because I can't tell them I'm staying here because I'm trying to have a baby. I just hate that I'm so ashamed of myself, because I'm truly where I want to be. :(